The Chicago Bears are using unorthodox language to announce their signing of Jay Cutler to a seven-year contract. GM Phil Emery has instructed all media outlets to report the news as follows:
“The Chicago Bears and Jay Cutler have eagerly and mellifluously consummated a new contract that will keep the franchise quarterback in Chicago for the next seven years.”
In fact, it was the Bears who reported the news as such through a press release and their Twitter feed. When asked about the unusual description, Emery explained “It’s just another way to show how much both Jay and the Bears organization wanted this to happen. We wanted him back, he wanted to stay, and we just want people to know that in the most enthusiastic way possible.”
Cutler was thought to be the premier quarterback on the free agent market this offseason, and signing him so quickly after the end of the regular season firms up what could have been an offseason of uncertainty for Chicago.
“In addition to just having him sign the deal, we felt it was important to make a statement and word the announcement in a manner that other teams don’t use,” Emery continued.
The GM cited high profile quarterback contracts and the recent coaching hires as inspiration for spicing up the language.
“You always see, ‘Team A have agreed to terms with Player B’ or ‘Team X have agreed to make Coach Y their head coach,’” Emery said. “I mean, it sounds like they’re pulling teeth. If you’re giving a guy $120 million dollars and making him your guy, the union should be defined by something stronger than simply ‘agree.’”
Cutler missed significant time during the 2013 season, the second time in three seasons that he’s failed to play in more than 10 games. In the contests he started, the Bears were 5-5, although Josh McCown played more than half of one of the losses.
“Jay had the highest quarterback rating of his career this season,” offered Emery. “It’s not a big deal to us that he’s never cracked a 90 rating over an entire season and has only made the playoffs once in eight years. We love him.”
Some reporters were joking that Emery and the Bears are marrying Cutler.
“Maybe instead of sending annual pre-season letters to our season ticket holders, we’ll send wedding invitations!” laughed Emery, who may or may not have been kidding.
Reactions from Bears’ fans to come in a later edition.